Here’s a good article I found.You CAN Find Life AFTER DIVORCE
Connie Butler

It’s All About Change

One of the most radical and often devastating changes that a
person may experience is the change accompanying a divorce. But
you don’t have to flounder through it all alone. What if you had
help charting a course to the life you truly wanted to live?
What if you could leverage this time of change to create the
life of your dreams? What if you received support and guidance
through the transition from pain and confusion to thriving in
your new life?

I can help.

At the core, my work with people revolves around creating
effective change – I am a skilled change agent moving clients
through the often choppy waters of a complex life.

Many of the women I work with have been through divorce and are
trying to work through the complexity of putting the past behind
them, identifying the resources they have and those they need to
help them move forward. They are working towards a renewal of
their personal power and are interested in building
self-confidence. Often they are faced with upgrading their
employment skills or entering the work force for the first time
when they are faced with financial pressures. Some are learning
what it means to be alone and reestablishing the confidence of
independence. Although it can be an extremely confusing, often
overwhelming time, the hidden silver lining is that it can also
be a potent time to restructure, revision and recreate a life
based on principles that can bring you the fulfillment and
excitement you desire. My goal in working with you is to help
you better understand the steps needed to get you there!

I went though a divorce as a young adult with no support and
know first hand the difficulty that many people go through when
they are trying to rebuild a positive and fulfilling life after
all of the “legal dust” has settled. I experienced first hand
how difficult and painful the rebuilding process can be with no
support. My experience coupled with over 18 years of helping
people navigate complex change establishes my ability as a
trusted change agent in developing a satisfying life after
divorce.

I am so blessed to do this work because in it I participate in
the process of real and substantive positive change in the lives
of my clients. What a remarkable, real and inspiring
undertaking. It calls on me to bring myself totally present with
each of my client calls. It expands my capacity for
understanding and recognition of the amazing opportunity we each
have to affect not only our own lives but that of the planet as
a whole. It shows me and my clients over and over again the
unique qualities each of us possess and how precious those
qualities are. If each of us truly understood that our very
being ness is exactly what our lives and the lives of others
require to thrive would we hold back anything? Would we allow
the next moment to happen, move into it and meet it fully? Would
we bring our whole selves forward on this adventure of life?

That is what real living is about – not holding back from each
individual moment whether it holds great joy or sorrow but
having the willingness to live it fully. Each moment is a moment
of change and that change can be profoundly moving if we
participate in it fully.

In this article I will be outlining several ways for you to get
started on your own right now.

Get Support:

Hopefully you already have the support of family and friends.
But finding the RIGHT kind of support is what is key here.
Often, unfortunately, family and friends, though well meaning,
may have their own agendas for you. One of the essential
components of this change is that it is based on YOU: your
clarity, your dreams and what you want. It is vital that you
determine who in your life allows you to discover what you want
and go to them. Basing your own self- development program on
what YOU want is the first step in building self- confidence
again. Make sure they have your best interests at heart and not
just what they think you need. If this does not seem to be
available, see if you have a trusted clergy member, a counselor,
a support group, or a good coach. I believe you need ample time
to discover what it is that you want next and do all you can to
support THAT.

Forgive Yourself:

The greater your willingness to forgive yourself, the greater
will be your enthusiasm and creativity in moving forward. Many
people harbor feelings of failure about their divorce. Many
blame themselves and continue to go over all that they might
have done differently. Self-judgment is like the cross-current
that will immediately send you off course. It is the one thing
that can destroy your self-confidence and any creative idea you
may have for the future. It is often a natural way to deal with
all of the chaos and upheaval- we immediately blame ourselves or
our spouse. It is a negative attempt to gain control. But
effectively it defeats your dreams and keeps you tied to the
past. Look for ways to forgive and nurture yourself; defend
yourself against any of your self-judgments. Essentially, they
are untrue and you can move past them. My soon-to-be launched
Audio/Workbook program can give you the tools you need to deal
with Judgment.

Discover What You Want:

Often in very important relationships our identity becomes so
entwined with another that when it ends we are not sure who we
are. This perceived loss of self is actually the deepest pain of
the separation. You need time to rediscover yourself outside of
the relationship. You require enough space and peace to be able
to envision a new, bright future. Right now you may be using
your imagination to see all of the possible negative outcomes.
The important thing for you to realize here is that you are
using your imagination to support these old thoughts and
actions. Our imaginations are an amazingly powerful and creative
tool. See if you can begin to use it to support you not hobble
you.

Start by letting yourself imagine what you would like to see in
your new life. Take a moment right now, close your eyes, take a
few breaths and consider one thing you would like to change. Use
your imagination to envision or sense it already in your life.
Let yourself feel what it would be like to have it already in
place. Use the inspiration of that to fuel your actions.

Action the Change:

Now the next important thing is to start actioning that change.
Change does not happen unless you take targeted action. If you
need help seeing how to practice making change you can sign up
for my F.r.e.e eClass that will lead you through the basic steps
of change. You can click here
http://www.conniebutler.biz/change_signup.php to sign up for
this F.r.e.e. eClass and download it immediately. You can start
making those changes right now. Use the principles in this class
to start making smaller changes so you can build the inner
strength and resolve needed to make the larger changes
effectively.

Good, targeted reading can add another level of support to
action. You can access some books to support you here:
http://www.conniebutler.biz/resources.php.

As you look at your current life and envision what you want
choose one area that you wish to change. What do you need as
support to make that change? You may need to access a quality
within yourself. The quality may be courage or faith or
strength. You may need the courage to try something new. You may
need the faith to believe the change is possible. And you may
need the strength to take the action required. Start developing
the quality that will most leverage the change you want.

Who or what might help you take the action. Perhaps you need a
buddy. Someone who encourages you and to whom you are
accountable. Do all you can to put that support in place. One of
the things I see in my work with clients is the necessity to
notice the smallest increments of change. When you notice change
as you are taking action your motivation for more action
increases.

Continue to envision the change you want. Eventually the
momentum of action will increase and you will find yourself
moving along the line of growth and action that will bring
substantive change into your life. This is one of the most
important transitions of your life. Give yourself all you need
to create the life that will bring you the satisfaction and
fulfillment. In the process you can also access my eBook

“Thriving After Divorce – 3 Key Principles for Creating a
Fantastic Life in 30 Days” at
http://www.conniebutler.biz/divorce.php

“Nothing will change until you change. Everything will change
when you change.”~ Lou DiCaprio

About the author:


Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with
individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and
cultivate its successful realization moving them past their
growth frontier into new territory. She is available for
personal or professional coaching, seminars and can be reached
at 305-534-1119 or connie@conniebutler.biz Ms. Butler is an
international coach, published author and radio personality.

Hope you liked that article – please let me know what you thought of it.